One word

I seem to have riled a few people recently.

I have one word for you.

Excellent

Source material

The tournament debate seems to be dying down a little now thank the Lord, but not before it has found it's way onto pretty much every forum on the internet. One line that I found particularly memorable was “2 people square off with faux swords (bamboo or plastic) and they try to hit each other for score”.

Don't worry, I'm not going to keep flogging the dead horse that is the tournargument but I simply can't ignore that line.

Before I go on I'd like to direct you to one of my older posts.

Specifically the one currently labouring under the title of “Removed Post 3”. I'd like to further draw your attention to the part where I say:

“You are an idiot.”

I'll leave it up to you to figure out who I'm referring to this time.

Now that's out of the way lets get on with this post.

“Faux swords”?????

I've got some news for you Mr Poster who I shall not name. Nylon and bamboo simulators may well be faux swords, but so are blunt steel simulators. Unless it is sharp it isn't a sword, it is a simulator. Or to use your eloquent turn of phrase a faux sword.

Now I'm assuming you don't train with sharp steel, because if you did you would be a fuckwit beyond all measure, so you are making a compromise. You are accepting that different blade geometry is ok for you and that the material is the most important thing.

Here's some more news for you.

Blunt steel is not the same as sharp steel. The very thing that makes it safer than sharp steel changes the way it reacts to impact and pressure.

Shinai aren't perfect, wooden wasters aren't perfect, nylon wasters aren't perfect and blunt steel isn't perfect.

Live with it.

Train with the lot and accept whatever compromise you have to make. Just stop pretending that because you use steel you are more of a martial artist than people who happily train with any material.

You aren't.

Incidentally, it may be worth mentioning that a tournament competitior was hospitalised recently after a steel weapon snapped and ended up in his chest.

Steel breaks. Bend it enough and it will snap. The problem is no-one knows how many times "enough" is. Steel is inherently more dangerous than the alternatives.

Now I'd like to direct you to the post entitled:

“There is no point in arguing”

Stop pretending that using only steel shows you've got massive balls. It just makes you look like a twat.

Here's a picture of a puppy in case all that ranting made you sad.

There is no point in Arguing

When it comes to WMA discussions there is a certain point when the discussion switches from objective debate to macho posturing. It becomes less about whether you have the right information and more about who has the biggest cock.

I have the biggest cock.



Now as that's sorted let's get back to the debate.

A Hidden Society

There is an organisation within the world of WMA that you may not know much about. Its primary goal is not the furtherence of the martial arts of Europe, it has a number of other goals. I'm going to tell you some of the things they say about themselves.

They claim to be “dedicated to the creation of a more evolved human” and they claim to use “magickal rites” in the furtherance of this goal. They are not Wiccan, but they say “the wiccan practitioner and ceremonial magician would find some of our ritual familiar. We differ strongly from most other magical groups in that we invoke our deities purely as aspects of our collective energies; they have been created by us and we do not believe that they are separate and independent intelligences."

I'm trying to stick to quoting objectively from their literature, but I don't think I can. I am utterly gobsmacked by the ridiculous nature of their claims.

They have a “Magical System”, they are “dedicated to the preservation of honor, nobility, arcane wisdom, and martial excellence” they have their own language and have created an entire mythos upon which they base their idea of Chivalry.

They are of course The Order of Selohaar. Don't take my word for it, go look at their site. http://www.selohaar.org/ it's all there for everyone to see.

Most of us have enjoyed the occasional fantasy book or film in the past, some of us probably played role playing games in our youth, but it takes someone very special to dedicate their life to a Pseudo-Medieval Order of “Chivalry” based on their own terrible stories. In all honesty if that sort of thing appeals you'd be better of with Scientology.

That being said I may be wrong (I'm laughing inside at the very possibility), perhaps Sir Christian truly is sent to guide us all and one day we'll all be sitting around reformed concrete garden ornaments wearing poor quality heraldic tabards at one of our “gathers” and the world will truly be a better place. Maybe they will have managed to use their "Magick" (why the hell do wackos always have to put a k on the end of that word?) to create a more evolved human.

But I suspect not.

If you want to join a long established order with a system of morality then try The Freemasons, if you want to wear ridiculous clothes that look like something from an Errol Flynn movie then join the SCA. Of course if you can't get into the Freemasons, and aren't good enough to be awarded enough rank in the SCA then maybe you should join Selohaar, you'll fit right in.

If you're already in The Order of Selohaar, why not drop the crap and simply train the way the rest of us do. You'll get a lot more respect from a lot more people.

Arrogance, Tournaments and Orange Women

I was driving down a country lane today when a giant 4x4 came screaming round a blind corner and almost rammed me off the road. The arrogance people show when they feel safe and secure in their own little personal cocoon never ceases to amaze me.

It got me to thinking about an interesting discussion going on at Swordforum at the moment.

God I feel dirty just saying that.

But its true. Something interesting is happening at Swordforum.

Nope, it doesn't get nicer for saying it twice.

It's enjoyably antagonistic and there are clearly two separate camps. Those who feel tournaments are a good thing, and those who don't.

The main gist of it seems to be that one side feels that fighting in tournaments make you a better fighter, the other side feels that tournament fighting makes you a worse fighter.

Just look at the videos, they show double kills all the time. To quote the ineffable Greg Mele it is simply “replicating bad historical fencing”.

I had to think about this for a while before I realised why it was just as much fresh steaming bullcrap.

The fact that almost no-one can do what the manuals say in a tournament fight does not mean that tournaments are crap, it means we are. Every single one of us, even the best fighter out there, is not a patch on the Masters who created the systems we all study.

The manuals we use as the basis for our systems were written by trained experienced swordsmen, we are neither, and never will be. We can't put ourselves in the same category as people such as Fiore however much me might want to. We can't even put ourselves in the same category as the shittest student ever to study under the least skilled swordmaster. To even consider for a moment that we, in our pathetic renn-faire costumes and badly fitting armour might know more about fighting than these people who lived or died by their level of skill is arrogance of the highest level. Higher even than the orange woman who nearly killed my in her Porsche Cayenne.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not coming down in the camp of the Starship Troopers in their bastardized hockey armour with their oversized toy swords, but I'm gonna keep following the lovely chaps over at Swordforum for the time being and just enjoy the ride. Whether I'll end up in a car crash with an arrogant idiot who can't see beyond the comfort of their own little world remains to be seen.

Hi Honey, I'm home.

Hello.

Yes it's Hemaboy again.

I can almost hear the collected sighs of relief.

How did you cope without me?

Heaven only knows, but you don't have to struggle on in the dark without the shining light of my opinion to guide you any more. I'm back.

How long it will last is another question, but I have been biting my lip trying to keep quiet for such a long time that I've pretty much chewed off my entire face. My Doctor tells me it isn't good for me to keep holding it in so I suspect there will be a few posts before I put my feet up for another rest.

The problem is of course that now I have made the decision to start educating the rest of the world with my erudite discourse I am at a loss as to where to start.

There's so much to choose from.

If you know of anything that deserves the Hemaboy treatment why not email me? hemaboy99 AT googlemail DOT com

Also please remember that Hemaboy is pseudonymous for a reason. If you think you know who I am and want to be certain. Email me. I'll let you know if you are right, just please keep it to yourself.