Arrogance, Tournaments and Orange Women

I was driving down a country lane today when a giant 4x4 came screaming round a blind corner and almost rammed me off the road. The arrogance people show when they feel safe and secure in their own little personal cocoon never ceases to amaze me.

It got me to thinking about an interesting discussion going on at Swordforum at the moment.

God I feel dirty just saying that.

But its true. Something interesting is happening at Swordforum.

Nope, it doesn't get nicer for saying it twice.

It's enjoyably antagonistic and there are clearly two separate camps. Those who feel tournaments are a good thing, and those who don't.

The main gist of it seems to be that one side feels that fighting in tournaments make you a better fighter, the other side feels that tournament fighting makes you a worse fighter.

Just look at the videos, they show double kills all the time. To quote the ineffable Greg Mele it is simply “replicating bad historical fencing”.

I had to think about this for a while before I realised why it was just as much fresh steaming bullcrap.

The fact that almost no-one can do what the manuals say in a tournament fight does not mean that tournaments are crap, it means we are. Every single one of us, even the best fighter out there, is not a patch on the Masters who created the systems we all study.

The manuals we use as the basis for our systems were written by trained experienced swordsmen, we are neither, and never will be. We can't put ourselves in the same category as people such as Fiore however much me might want to. We can't even put ourselves in the same category as the shittest student ever to study under the least skilled swordmaster. To even consider for a moment that we, in our pathetic renn-faire costumes and badly fitting armour might know more about fighting than these people who lived or died by their level of skill is arrogance of the highest level. Higher even than the orange woman who nearly killed my in her Porsche Cayenne.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not coming down in the camp of the Starship Troopers in their bastardized hockey armour with their oversized toy swords, but I'm gonna keep following the lovely chaps over at Swordforum for the time being and just enjoy the ride. Whether I'll end up in a car crash with an arrogant idiot who can't see beyond the comfort of their own little world remains to be seen.

Hi Honey, I'm home.

Hello.

Yes it's Hemaboy again.

I can almost hear the collected sighs of relief.

How did you cope without me?

Heaven only knows, but you don't have to struggle on in the dark without the shining light of my opinion to guide you any more. I'm back.

How long it will last is another question, but I have been biting my lip trying to keep quiet for such a long time that I've pretty much chewed off my entire face. My Doctor tells me it isn't good for me to keep holding it in so I suspect there will be a few posts before I put my feet up for another rest.

The problem is of course that now I have made the decision to start educating the rest of the world with my erudite discourse I am at a loss as to where to start.

There's so much to choose from.

If you know of anything that deserves the Hemaboy treatment why not email me? hemaboy99 AT googlemail DOT com

Also please remember that Hemaboy is pseudonymous for a reason. If you think you know who I am and want to be certain. Email me. I'll let you know if you are right, just please keep it to yourself.

Short and Sweet

I like girls.

They smell nice, they are pleasant to look at and they are better at HEMA.

Seriously, they really are.

1) They are more precise with their techniques.

2) They don't have the competitive testostorone thing going on that guys have which stops us admitting we are getting it wrong.

3) They tend to rely on accuracy, rather than simply bull their way through with brute strength.

Not only that but they have had to overcome a whole raft of cultural and social stereotypes to get to the level they are at. So even if you know a girl in HEMA and think you are better than her, you are wrong.

In every way that matters she is far and away superior to you.

Girls also tend to be short and sweet.

Just like this post.

Great Expectations

I suspect I'm not alone in having wondered if the few fragments of manuscript detailing the art of the longsword in England could ever be combined to make a workable system.

To date the vast majority of the work seems to vary between decidedly average at best to unbelievably poor at worst. A new book promises to change that.

Brandon Heslop is the public face of the duo of authors responsible for the forthcoming title "Lessons on the English Longsword".

You have to admit he has an interesting strategy.

Announce the book, start a blog and upload regular video updates to try and generate a frenzy of interest for when the book finally hits the shelves.

Apparently there will also be a DVD. This to me is the most intriguing aspect of it.

It's just possible that this may well be the way things are done in future. It certainly seems as if the book/DVD combo might go some way to solving the problem of how to get enough practical instruction in to a book and theory into a DVD.

Of course that all depends on whether it is any good.

Unlike SPWH I won't fall into the trap of assuming it can't be because I am not familiar with either of the authors. But it is certainly a worry. In fiction the general rule is that the more you write the better you get. In adult education you want your teacher to have experience of teaching. Preferably at the forefront of their field.

So perhaps Stephenpaul is right.

Good grief did I really just type that?

Blimey.

It'd be a first if they are.

Anyway, back to the main thrust.

We can expect a "complete lexicon of the known terminology".

Sounds impressive doesn't it?

Well yes, initially.

But it's not the known terminology that I have trouble with. It's the unknown terminology.

"This book will put the final nail in the coffin in the argument that the German and Italian traditions are radically different from each other"

That's quite a claim.

Of course it depends on how we define the word "radically".

Oh who am I trying to kid. I could pick holes in the semantics all night if I wanted to. The truth is that I don't.

I'm looking forward to seeing it.

Brandon hasn't done a lot to help himself by marching onto one of the more popular forums, telling folk they are uninformed and then marching straight out again but I suspect he doesn't care much for their opinion as long as they buy his book.

I for one will be buying it.

Either I will have a worthwhile addition to my ever expanding library, or I will have another target for ridicule.

A win win situation for me I think.

So Brandon, the ball is in your court.

Make it wonderful, or make it appalling. Just for the love of God don't make it mediocre.

Why I don't give a fuck what you think

This month saw the launch of the Atheist Bus campaign. It is a worldwide campaign placing free-thinking slogans on the side of buses, and thanks to some effective fundraising, on posters too.

It has drawn some pretty passionate responses.

Some people think it is a wonderful idea, that we should do everything in our power to point out the logical fallacies inherent to organised religion. Some people think that it is the Devil's work and those responsible will burn in hell.

Either way it has provoked some fairly impressive reactions.

Will it do what it is supposed to though?

I doubt it.

What does this have to do with WMA I hear you ask.

Well if you hold on for just a moment longer you will see where I am going.

The atheist bus campaign is designed to make people think about the fact that there might not be a God. It has a specific goal, and that goal is conversion to atheism. I very much doubt that it will achieve anything of the sort.

I'm different.

I have a goal but I don't give a shit what you think.

Unlike the atheist bus campaign I don't expect, or even want, you to agree with me.

Personally I think that what I say is pretty basic stuff. It is simple fact dressed up in fancy language in order to get your attention.

But why would I want your attention if I don't give a shit what you think?

A good question.

I couldn't give a flying fuck what you think about what I say, as long as (and here's the catch) you do think about what I say.

As soon as you close your mind to other opinions then you lose every advantage that being a practitioner of HEMA gives you. Because our art is new we have to be able to back up our ideas with evidence. We have to be open to other ideas. We have to constantly test both our technique and our interpretations in every possible way. Only whilst we are still striving to prove ourselves wrong can we be sure that we are on the right path. As soon as we settle back and choose to stop thinking then we might as well pack in and go home.

So I don't care if you think I am a twat (yes Herbert I am talking to you) as long as you don't stop thinking about what you do. As long as you don't assume that I cannot have anything to offer because I am a twat. Sometimes the truth comes to us through the strangest medium.

I also don't care if you think I am intelligent, witty, and insightful. As long as you question what I say.

So perhaps I do have an agenda after all.

Perhaps I too am an atheist bus.

After all, you wait ages for an atheist bus and then 800 come along at once.

Tag and I'm it.

It would seem that I have been tagged by James Marwood of www.safeism.com to reveal seven facts about myself. I considered not bothering but didn't think that was sporting.

However, part and parcel of the Hemaboy persona is his anonymity and so whilst I won't be revealing whether they are true or not here are seven things people say about me.

Some say he is Paul B....and the stig.
Some say he doesn't even read the Schola forums!
Some say he is not Dave.
Some say he is just a cock.
Some say he is the manifestation of disgruntled WMAists everywhere.
Some say he is a Legend.
Some say he is too stupid to get it.

As to tagging other people, I notice there are currently seven people following this blog, so I tag them.

Chivalry, Idiots and Historical Justification

In 1344 Edward III, disappointed at the dropping standards of chivalry amongst his knights, announced the formation of a new order of chivalry. The Order of the Round Table was designed to draw directly on the legends of King Arthur and his Knights to set an example of the kind of behaviour the King expected of his peers.

It was a nice idea, but it smacks of the kind of behaviour you expect of a grumpy old man. Odd for a King only 32 years old. Perhaps it was the start of a mid life crisis.

Where is this going I hear you ask?

Well it is simple.

There seems to be a section of the WMA community (I know, I know, it's a handy term though so I'm going to use it however hypocritical that makes me) that claims we can only ever truly master the arts we study if we also take on the ethical framework of those that practiced it originally. They claim that in order to learn to fight with a sword we must also give of our time to help those less fortunate than ourselves. They don't tell us how this helps, but they insist that it is necessary.

Perhaps they are right.

Perhaps we really do need to hand out food to the homeless so we can more effectively hit each other with swords.

Or perhaps not.

Perhaps the two are completely unconnected and these people are simply brainwashed by the myth of Bushido. That to be balanced fighters we also need to become better people. That we should study combat and flower arranging. That martial arts are a way of life that make us better people and the improvement in our ability to fight is simply a side effect of this personal improvement.

Of course this is utter crap.

If we want to give more to charity we don't go out and get into fights in the street so why is the converse true?

It isn't.

However it would seem that Edward III thought the same so maybe it's historical after all. It's worth bearing in mind however that The Order of The Round Table was never formed. It was never anything more than a whim.

Perhaps he was an idiot too.

Oh yeah.

Happy New Year.